cellular. review of the movie by alan haber. buhdge

film buhdge unspooling at a theater near you

"Watching movies at home is, in many ways, preferable to going to the movie theater. It's quiet (no chatty yaketty-yakkers), more comfortable, and the sound is likely to be better (especially if you've got a good sound system). But nothing can replace the big, theater screen experience..." - Alan Haber

Cellular (2004) Kim Basinger, Chris Evans, William H. Macy On my way home from seeing this movie, I played around with several attention-getting headlines that the studio promotion wags might want to use in their advertising. How about "It's big. It's dumb. And the minutes are free!" or "As thin as cell-ophane tape...and just as sticky!" or "Make the connection this summer!"? Mind you, I liked this movie. A lot. It's just that it's big and it's dumb and it is as thin as cellophane tape, but that's kind of the point; Cellular is calculatingly dumb and plays off that premise with abandon and sheer glee. It's like a 90 minute marathon call to your sister Louise, without any pesky air time getting in the way. This is one of those movies for which the audience is always 15-20 minutes ahead of the curve. You know everything that's going to happen, or you think you do; every once in awhile, the filmmakers pull a fast one on you and you are forced to put that coveted last Twizzler back into the package one more time. This is the kind of movie that has about 47 endings, nearly every one telegraphed way before it happens. This is also the kind of movie in which characters wear the Friday the 13th Badge of Doofus Honor, where they either do the dumbest thing on earth or the dumbest thing on earth gets done to them. Because of all of the above, Cellular succeeds as a really fun, extremely well-made summer popcorn movie; that the call, you should pardon the pun, is over in about an hour and half is the equivalent of bonus minutes tacked onto your monthly cellular allowance because your cellular provider just likes you. Cellular does depend somewhat on surprises, or at least things happening that you don't necessarily expect, and I'm not going to break the movie reviewer's code by revealing them here. All I'll say is that the movie concerns a woman, played by Kim Basinger, who gets kidnapped at gunpoint in her house by bad guys who want to know where "it" is. She manages to get a call through to a summer-means-babes dude who wants desperately to get back with the girl who dumped him; she also manages to convince said dude that she has indeed been abducted, at which point the dude agrees to help her and sets the movie into motion. Basinger is convincing as the damsel in distress, even though for most of her screen time she only has to look scared out of her mind. The bad guys are convincing, too, and so is master thespian William H. Macy, seemingly working for extra cash in a supporting role as a cop who gets pulled into Basinger's mess. But don't be fooled: in this movie, as in any he's in, Macy is the man. Any movie with Macy is a movie to see, and every Macy role shows a new side to the actor. Here, it's Macy's face that struts its stuff. I'll say no more. Directed with style to spare and a true action director's eye by David R. Ellis, from a screenplay by Chris Morgan, from a story by B-movie vet Larry "Q" Cohen, Cellular is one hell of a diversion. In a summer full of under performing movies built around so-called movie stars, it succeeds just by accepting its own limitations and just exceeding the audience's expectations. It isn't Citizen Kane, but then again there isn't a single cell phone in Citizen Kane. It is Cellular, and it is damn good. Alan Haber buhdge September 12, 2004
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Cellular
(2004)
Kim Basinger, Chris Evans, William H. Macy

On my way home from seeing this movie, I played around with several attention-getting headlines that the studio promotion wags might want to use in their advertising. How about "It's big. It's dumb. And the minutes are free!" or "As thin as cell-ophane tape...and just as sticky!" or "Make the connection this summer!"?

Mind you, I liked this movie. A lot. It's just that it's big and it's dumb and it is as thin as cellophane tape, but that's kind of the point; Cellular is calculatingly dumb and plays off that premise with abandon and sheer glee. It's like a 90 minute marathon call to your sister Louise, without any pesky air time getting in the way.

This is one of those movies for which the audience is always 15-20 minutes ahead of the curve. You know everything that's going to happen, or you think you do; every once in awhile, the filmmakers pull a fast one on you and you are forced to put that coveted last Twizzler back into the package one more time.

This is the kind of movie that has about 47 endings, nearly every one telegraphed way before it happens. This is also the kind of movie in which characters wear the Friday the 13th Badge of Doofus Honor, where they either do the dumbest thing on earth or the dumbest thing on earth gets done to them.

Because of all of the above, Cellular succeeds as a really fun, extremely well-made summer popcorn movie; that the call, you should pardon the pun, is over in about an hour and half is the equivalent of bonus minutes tacked onto your monthly cellular allowance because your cellular provider just likes you.

Cellular does depend somewhat on surprises, or at least things happening that you don't necessarily expect, and I'm not going to break the movie reviewer's code by revealing them here. All I'll say is that the movie concerns a woman, played by Kim Basinger, who gets kidnapped at gunpoint in her house by bad guys who want to know where "it" is. She manages to get a call through to a summer-means-babes dude who wants desperately to get back with the girl who dumped him; she also manages to convince said dude that she has indeed been abducted, at which point the dude agrees to help her and sets the movie into motion.

Basinger is convincing as the damsel in distress, even though for most of her screen time she only has to look scared out of her mind. The bad guys are convincing, too, and so is master thespian William H. Macy, seemingly working for extra cash in a supporting role as a cop who gets pulled into Basinger's mess. But don't be fooled: in this movie, as in any he's in, Macy is the man. Any movie with Macy is a movie to see, and every Macy role shows a new side to the actor. Here, it's Macy's face that struts its stuff. I'll say no more.

Directed with style to spare and a true action director's eye by David R. Ellis, from a screenplay by Chris Morgan, from a story by B-movie vet Larry "Q" Cohen, Cellular is one hell of a diversion. In a summer full of under performing movies built around so-called movie stars, it succeeds just by accepting its own limitations and just exceeding the audience's expectations. It isn't Citizen Kane, but then again there isn't a single cell phone in Citizen Kane. It is Cellular, and it is damn good.

Alan Haber
buhdge
September 12, 2004