team america: world police. review of the movie by alan haber. buhdge

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"Watching movies at home is, in many ways, preferable to going to the movie theater. It's quiet (no chatty yaketty-yakkers), more comfortable, and the sound is likely to be better (especially if you've got a good sound system). But nothing can replace the big, theater screen experience..." - Alan Haber

Team America: World Police (2004) from the guys who created South Park When, somewhere between the beginning and end of this poor excuse for a movie, a marionette, playing a protestor, holds up a sign that says "Team America is bad," can a reviewer simply say, "Well, they've reviewed their own movie and they're spot on," and be done with the whole execrable exercise? No, of course not. It would make my job easier if I could just say that Team America is a lousy movie. It would involve less typing. Less to aggravate the old carpal tunnel. A quicker exit stage right. But no, I want to talk about this. Just not too much. There are a few jokes in this movie, just a few, and they pretty much all involve words many people consider to be objectionable. They are also the only jokes that anyone laughed at during the screening I attended. Not a good sign. Admittedly, a good vomit joke is hard to turn away from, but the one that occurs here goes on way too long (as if that is possible). It also mirrors the joke in the first Austin Powers movie that has our hero peeing...peeing...peeing after waking up after all those years. Which only proves that pee is funnier than vomit. I was bothered by the incessant violence on display in Team America. Yes I know, we're talking about marionette violence, but the opening scene, which pits the Team America crew against Osama bin Laden and his henchmen in Paris can not be forgiven: guns are blazing, innocent passersby are in the line of fire, and...not cool, methinks. Even if they're marionettes. Seriously. The attacks on a number of Hollywood folk really surprised me: they're mean spirited and they're not funny. I guess it's become fashionable in some circles to attack Alec Baldwin's politics, but the portrayal of him and fellow actors like Tim Robbins and...wait for it...Helen Hunt (Helen Hunt?) are just witch-hunty. And sending up Michael Moore by turning him into a suicide bomber who straps a bomb to his chest and blows up the Team America headquarters is just...not funny. Whatever one thinks of Fahrenheit 911, Moore doesn't deserve that. One more thing. With all the hubbub over the rating of films, I'm surprised that this movie only received an R. I realize we're talking marionettes here, and kids aren't supposed to get in, but you know they will, and they will be exposed to a lengthy sex scene that, if it were played by human beings, would be considered hardcore porn and banned at the docks. Seriously, I felt rather creeped out watching it, although the younger audience members thought is was tres cool. I guess I'm becoming my parents, finally and at long last, but marionette sex just doesn't do it for me. I dunno...generally, it's tough to offend me, but this movie did the trick. The whole thing smacks of one long mean-spirited jab at...something. Team America is a long way from the South Park movie, which was really funny and not at all mean spirited, at least not in a mean spirited way. If this story of a team of super cops on the job to protect the world from bad guys had been written with even a tiny twinge of wit, it might have been even a tiny bit funny, and that at least would have been a place to start. But this whole enterprise is just painfully witless. Exit stage right. Alan Haber October 15, 2004
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Team America: World Police
(2004)
from the guys who created South Park

When, somewhere between the beginning and end of this poor excuse for a movie, a marionette, playing a protestor, holds up a sign that says "Team America is bad," can a reviewer simply say, "Well, they've reviewed their own movie and they're spot on," and be done with the whole execrable exercise?

No, of course not. It would make my job easier if I could just say that Team America is a lousy movie. It would involve less typing. Less to aggravate the old carpal tunnel. A quicker exit stage right. But no, I want to talk about this. Just not too much.

There are a few jokes in this movie, just a few, and they pretty much all involve words many people consider to be objectionable. They are also the only jokes that anyone laughed at during the screening I attended. Not a good sign. Admittedly, a good vomit joke is hard to turn away from, but the one that occurs here goes on way too long (as if that is possible). It also mirrors the joke in the first Austin Powers movie that has our hero peeing...peeing...peeing after waking up after all those years. Which only proves that pee is funnier than vomit.

I was bothered by the incessant violence on display in Team America. Yes I know, we're talking about marionette violence, but the opening scene, which pits the Team America crew against Osama bin Laden and his henchmen in Paris can not be forgiven: guns are blazing, innocent passersby are in the line of fire, and...not cool, methinks. Even if they're marionettes. Seriously.

The attacks on a number of Hollywood folk really surprised me: they're mean spirited and they're not funny. I guess it's become fashionable in some circles to attack Alec Baldwin's politics, but the portrayal of him and fellow actors like Tim Robbins and...wait for it...Helen Hunt (Helen Hunt?) are just witch-hunty. And sending up Michael Moore by turning him into a suicide bomber who straps a bomb to his chest and blows up the Team America headquarters is just...not funny. Whatever one thinks of Fahrenheit 911, Moore doesn't deserve that.

One more thing. With all the hubbub over the rating of films, I'm surprised that this movie only received an R. I realize we're talking marionettes here, and kids aren't supposed to get in, but you know they will, and they will be exposed to a lengthy sex scene that, if it were played by human beings, would be considered hardcore porn and banned at the docks. Seriously, I felt rather creeped out watching it, although the younger audience members thought is was tres cool. I guess I'm becoming my parents, finally and at long last, but marionette sex just doesn't do it for me.

I dunno...generally, it's tough to offend me, but this movie did the trick. The whole thing smacks of one long mean-spirited jab at...something. Team America is a long way from the South Park movie, which was really funny and not at all mean spirited, at least not in a mean spirited way.

If this story of a team of super cops on the job to protect the world from bad guys had been written with even a tiny twinge of wit, it might have been even a tiny bit funny, and that at least would have been a place to start. But this whole enterprise is just painfully witless.

Exit stage right.

Alan Haber
October 15, 2004