| The leaves are about to fall, so it must be time for the ax to plunk down on some of the tube's new shows. Don't worry...there are some bright spots afoot! |
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television buhdge
the tube, revisited
The fall 2005 TV season. It's the same old song...or is it?
Part one.
Well, it's certain the same old story: a couple hundred channels and still just about absolutely nothing on. By airwaves, cable and satellite they come, the products of dedicated television professionals plying their craft through wind, through rain, through sleet and through snow—oh, that’s right, there’s no snow in Hollywood. Well, not the kind one shovels in the middle of winter, at least.
Come to think of it, where’s a snow machine when you need one? I’d trade a screen full of TV snow for most of the new shows that debuted over the past couple of weeks. Some of them deserve an avalanche. Others, a blizzard or three, for that is how it has gone so far during the fall 2005 unveiling of shows vying for a spot on the coveted Cancelled-Before-November dishonor roll.
Topping that roll at number one with a bullet was Fox’s legal eagle laugh fest, Head Cases, with Adam Goldberg and Chris O’Donnell. First on the chopping block, there apparently was no case here since everyone’s favorite broadcast television judge, the Honorable T.V. Ision, threw it out of court. Schwing! Add NBC’s fertility clinic misfire, Inconceivable, and the WB’s wrongheaded Don Johnson starrer Just Legal to the roll for your first tube cancellation hat trick of the season.
Which show will be next? Will it be ABC’s wussout, the West Wing-less Commander-in-Chief? Will the Martha ultimately flop with her version of The Apprentice? (NBC has flipped the Domestic Diva’s timeslot with E-Ring, which means Martha goes head-to-head with ABC’s Lost; even baby Bob from those Quiznos commercials, most of which are more fun to watch than many of this season’s new shows, knows that move spells s-e-e y-a l-a-t-e-r.)
Let’s take a step back, shall we, and shine the spotlight on the bright spots on the fall 2005 TV schedule. Among the new shows, the only one that consistently rocks my boat like the Hughes Corporation is Fox’s wild and woolly Prison Break. Dominic Miller may get top billing as Lincoln Burrows, but his brother is the main draw here; played with panache to spare by second-billed Wentworth Miller, Michael Scofield (nee Burrows) breaks into prison to break his brother out. Previously seen in the final handful of episodes of the much-missed Joan of Arcadia as the emissary of the Devil, Miller is top-notch as the determined good guy with the scrambled floor plans of Fox River Prison tattooed on his body.
Stacy Keach is excellent as the by-the-book prison warden with a heart (and a conscience) of gold; the various supporting players are also ace, particularly Peter Stormare as an ex-mob boss with stringy long hair (Stormare was discovered by none other than Ingmar Bergman, and has directed Shakespeare in his native Sweden, believe it or not). Prison Break is the anti-Lost, in the sense that the writers don’t seem to hold anything back from viewers; the story moves at a breakneck pace, the sucker is piled high with terrific action sequences, and the characters are three-dimensional terrif. The story, however implausible, is 24-karat-golden. This is television expertly crafted; it is, in fact, Must See TV, and, lo and behold, it isn’t on NBC.
What is on NBC? Let’s take a look at the shows that I’ve invested time in…some of which I will never get back, thanks to Friday night’s Inconceivable and Thursday night’s er. Let’s take er first, shall we? While there certainly isn’t anything specifically wrong with the show, there isn’t a whole lot that’s right about it, either. The stories seem to be worn-out retreads from previous and better seasons. The cast seems too young and uninteresting to me. And it looks like Sherry Stringfield is once again leaving, which means that for the first time ever, er will be without an original cast member.
er is Thursday night’s Saturday Night Live, a show that has seriously worn out its welcome but, thanks to at least decent ratings, never goes away. Thankfully, NBC’s Inconceivable, the comeback vehicle for everybody’s favorite assistant to Law and Order’s Jack McCoy, Angie Harmon, has been laid to rest. La Harmon, we still miss ya. Come back soon. In something less silly, please.
NBC’s bright lights include the still-incredibly vital Law and Order franchise. Over at Law and Order: Criminal Intent, the workload has been lightened for the original (and still the best) cast, buoyed by the always amazing Vincent D’Onofrio and equally exquisite Kathryn Erbe, who will appear in half of this season’s episodes, leaving the rest to old L&O hand Chris Noth and his partner, the luminous Annabella Sciorra. Noth’s Mike Logan, from the early days of the original L&O series, is a bit less aggressive than he used to be; the dynamic around the station house appears to be walk-on-eggshells-when-Logan’s-in-the-room-or-have-sleepless-nights-at-your-own-peril. Sciorra’s low-key Detective Carolyn Barek is a real treat, her slow-but-sure pace providing a nice tension and counterpoint to Noth’s devil-may-care, seasoned/weathered cop. The first two episodes were well-written, suspenseful, and truly exciting, boding well for the rest of the season.
Law and Order: SVU is the current L&O gold standard; Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay are about as invested in their parts as is probably possible in this or any other world; the season opener, with guest star Robert Patrick as a trying-to-reform sex offender just released from prison buddying up with an undercover Elliot Stabler, was dramatic TV at its finest. The second episode, with Hargitay’s Olivia Benson talking to a kidnapped girl on the phone while her fellow squad members try to track her down—against all odds—was equally terrific. Ice-T, Richard Belzer, Dann Florek and company continue to lend top-notch support to the two stars. And kudos to producer/creator Dick Wolf for making Tamara Tunie a full cast member; her medical examiner Melinda Warner has always been an integral part of the show. It’s about time she was part of the full-time team.
The original Law and Order, by contrast, is still solid but nothing more than comfortable, like an old pair of legal briefs. Dennis Farina as Detective Joe Fontana is wonderful, but he’s no Jerry Orbach. If I miss an episode this season, I won’t be too upset, but the show is always good if you’re around to watch it.
The West Wing: The John Wells Years still doesn’t compare in any way, shape or form to The West Wing: The Aaron Sorkin Years. Those are the proverbial apples and oranges, folks; never their twains shall meet. The show has become a weekly civics lesson, and it’s mostly boring me to tears. Never mind that CJ is still being inhabited by an alien who has made her dull and ineffective as Chief of Staff. Never mind that Toby is coming ever closer to drooling on camera. Oh, just never mind.
The season opener kicked off with an atypically sweet, short scene set three years in the future, at the dedication of the Bartlett library. Among those gathered to greet Bartlett were CJ and her husband, Danny Concannon (chalk one up for Wells and company); Professor Toby; Congressman Will; Author Kate Harper; Charlie; and Josh, who may or may not be working for…President Jimmy Smits? And where in the name of all that is holy was Donna?
Indeed. Where was Donna? My guess? Painting clown faces on Josh posters strewn across various D.C. construction sites. There was a scene in the premiere, in which Donna comes to Josh to ask for a job, and Josh confronts her with a file full of anti-Bartlett comments she made in her position as spokesperson for Bingo Bob’s campaign, while telling her that he misses her every day. Donna left Josh’s office crying. In the words of the great TV philosopher, Frank Barone, “Holy crap!” That’s no way to treat a lady, or the audience. We want to see Josh and Donna together. Apparently, with Janelle Moloney’s name nixed from the cast list, there is no hope. Or is there? Does Wells have something up his sleeve, other than Sorkin’s crib notes, which Wells apparently can’t make sense of?
In the scheme of things, however, it really doesn’t matter. An upcoming episode, which will be presented live, pits Smits’ Matt Santos and Alan Alda’s Arnie Vinick against each other in a debate. This one has possibilities, but even if it scores, it will be much too little, much too late.
It’s also much too late to get into what ABC and CBS are offering this fall season. That’s for part two, coming later this week. Stay tuned.
Alan Haber
October 9, 2005
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